did you miss me?

Yeah, it’s been a while. A lot has happened in the last two months. Most of it went by so fast, I didn’t even have time to think about blogging about it.

And then suddenly this week I started thinking about writing here. Maybe I need the outlet again.

This week I found myself pretty near paralyzed by simply presenting a 45 minute practice job talk at school. No, I don’t have interviews yet, I’m just trying to be prepared. And usually I do okay with presentations– or at least I fake them well enough to look put together and not as nervous as I actually am. This time I was just nervous, and not as prepared as I realized I needed to be when I got there. Distilling the dissertation down to a single talk in a way that is clear and interesting and does all the important things like laying out my theoretical contributions etc. seems like the biggest task in the world right now. And the fact that where I’m at with my dissertation at the moment means, I’m not too clear on what those contributions are myself doesn’t help. Oh, the joys of grad school.

There’s something about the job talk… I’m fine going to schools and talking with people, interviewing, etc. but The Job Talk is like an all-or-nothing kind of endeavor. A one shot deal. A make it or break it sort of thing. And so I’m going to have to conquer that.

I’m sure I’ll snap out of this. I just need some quality time with my dissertation in my carrel to remind myself of how great the work really is. I just need to squirrel myself away for a while.

And something else happened this week that’s upset me more than I thought it would. A friend of mine died. Someone I knew back in NY. She was almost exactly my age (32 years old), and for a while we did everything together– worked at the same place, hung out, drove to classes together etc. And then after all the drama at work, we went our separate ways, and for reasons I don’t even remember, stopped speaking. I always chalked it up to the fact she started working at another store, the crazy drama at our store that made everything difficult, and that some people just don’t work so well together– different personalities etc.

A couple years ago I tried to get back in touch with her. I heard she had been sick (with a very rare form of cancer), but I didn’t know how sick. She ended up emailing me and reaming me out for years of stuff she’d apparently been stockpiling against me from when we worked together. It was insane and ridiculous, and all of it was second-hand information that wasn’t even true. I seriously felt like I was in high school again and it pissed me off. So I told her so, and that she her own decisions at work and couldn’t blame others for them. And I told her I always missed her and wondered how she was, and had chalked everything else up to work issues. I don’t like to hold grudges. She wrote me back and was like “screw you” and I pretty much replied with the same. I was sad and hurt at the time, but didn’t need that shit in my life.

Nice. So that messed up bunch of emails was my last interaction with her. I’m not usually one of those people that needs everyone to like them, so that doesn’t so much bother me. The fact that she didn’t realize how much I enjoyed our friendship bugs me, though. And the fact she was my age and in a lot of ways (yeah, like me) had barely begun life. Sometimes it seems like 32 is lifetime of experience, but sometimes it is really obvious that it isn’t. To be cliche– life is too short sometimes. And that just makes me feel like what the heck am I doing spending a whole day catching up on email and watching SVU when I could be doing 1 of a million things I need to do. But if I do all those things I need to do, will I still have time to go out and enjoy the fall weather and crunch through some leaves?

Sorry to make this a bit of a downer. I’m planning on enjoying the fall this weekend– going pumpkin picking and to a corn maze with friends on Sunday. I’m going to run 3 miles tomorrow in the cool, crisp air, which always makes me feel more centered/grounded.

There’s a bunch of stuff I could and should catch you up on– so I’ll retroactively start posting about my trip to San Francisco, and then, of course, my sister’s wedding.

it’s that time of the year again…

Conference time and job market time is here!

The summer has gone by so fast. It’s been a blur of teaching, planning lectures, and grading. I appreciate so much having the teaching experience, but lecturing 4 times a week is killer. It’s too much packed in a too short a period of time and it’s hard for the students and for me. Fortunately, they’re all giving presentations this week so I don’t have to prep anything (although I do have grading to do) so that I can get ready for the conference and interviews.

Early Friday morning I leave for 7 glorious days in San Francisco. Well, four glorious days, after 3 days at the conference, complete with interviews, receptions, presentations, and suit jackets. I even had a horrible dream last night that I was having an interview and someone asked me what my dissertation was about and I blanked and couldn’t remember. Fun.

I’m having serious flash backs to last summer at this time– buying new clothes, photocopying my CV. But, last summer I was so wonderfully optimistic about getting a job. It was fantastic to be that sure– it shielded me from others freaking out, and mostly from any nagging self-doubt. This year, while I’m told that I’m a much stronger candidate than I was before (and I do know it), I’m also much more aware of the fact that the market crumbled last year and that competition this time is even stiffer. It’s hard to forget that more are competing for for potentially fewer positions. Sigh.

So I want the naive optimism back. I need it back. So much of the job market is completely out of the candidate’s control that sitting around and stressing out about things you can’t control is a waste of time and energy. So starting now I’m going to build my own little sound-proof job market cocoon and ignore everything and everyone around me job-market related, send in my best materials, interview and enjoy it, and covet the advice of my advisor and committee.

And I’m SO EXCITED for San Francisco. I’ve never been, and part of me is worried I’ll like it too much (but I’m a Northeast girl!). I have plans to eat great food, see friends, go to alcatraz island, run across the Golden Gate Bridge, and take thousands of pictures at Muir Woods. So if I can just get through the 3 days of academic outfits and dissertation talk, I’ll be richly rewarded!

the trees for the forest and the forest for the trees

As of today, my summer teaching is halfway over! And technically I only have 3 more weeks of instruction, because the students are presenting their final projects the last week of class. Woohoo!

Overall, the class has been fine. I do love teaching this particular class. The summer course is intense in workload, but the students are doing okay with it so far. And I’m sort of amazed that I can be in charge of a whole classroom of students– I tell them what to do/write/learn and they do it. I don’t mean that’s weird because I’m on some kind of power trip, it just feels kind of strange and at the same time totally normal. I’m pretty comfortable and confident in the classroom, which I didn’t excepted (it’s not the same when you TA, for some reason). So all in all this is turning out to be a great experience.

But it does suck up A LOT of time. I’m trying to make sure lecture prep only takes a couple hours BUT prepping the powerpoint does take a bit longer because I become sort of nuts about finding photos and diagrams to illustrate my points. That goodness for The Google. How did people plan lectures without it?

I will say that I am NOT succeeding in my plan to get 2 hours of writing in a day. With a summer course and meeting 4 times a week, that just doesn’t happen. So I take whole days when I can (Friday and Saturday) and some afternoons. But, really, dispite the *immense* amount of work/writing creeping up on me, I haven’t freaked out about it yet. But, the ASA conference and all that goes with it (conference presentation, writing sample, cover letter etc.) is now a month away! But, still, I’m remarkably calm. I’ve been through ASA and the job market before, and I feel much more ready now then I did then.

The writing sample is probably my biggest task and the one that has taken me the most time to adjust my brain to what I have to do with it. It all started with a meeting with my advisor that was extremely metaphoric. It was all about trees, the forest, leaves and bark. And what a perfect metaphor me since I love trees. But, I left the meeting feeling like “jeez, I don’t know if I can see the forest and make larger conclusions about the forest.” I’ve been working at the level of bark, leaves, and trees for so long, trying to get to know my data. How could I suddenly change my view to larger things? And honestly, am I even capable of making larger conclusions about my data? So I thought about that transition for a little bit– trying to get accustomed to the idea.

Then, I had a few wonderfully confidence-inspiring moments. I had breakfast with a fellow grad student who assures me she “always” works at the forest level (and has trouble with trees and leaves), and that I could certainly do that. And then the same day I was reviewing a paper for a journal (the best paper I’ve ever reviewed, actually) and *my first publication* was a major part of the theoretical framework– about something not directly related to what that article was about. In short, someone is using my ideas to think about other things. Okay, that’s just too cool.

And then we had dinner with my advisor and husband and dog, and somewhere during the conversation about how skinny and young and wide-eyed I was when I started my grad school journey 6 years ago (and wow, I really was), I was struck with how incredibly far I’ve come. And I didn’t get here by accident, or by others’ good graces (which is how I used to frame my journey to grad school). I got to where I am now because every time I thought something was initially impossible, I dug my heals in and did it anyway. That, and the confidence of the people around me will definitely help push me through this (one of the last?) hurdles to my dissertation. Right? I’d like to think so, anyway.

teaching in moderation

I’m on day 4 now of teaching my 8 week (4 days a week) summer class. Yesterday was the first day I spent lecturing– keynote (apple’s better version of powerpoint) and asking questions and such– and since the answered them, and seemed to understand what I was teaching, I felt some margin of success. Today, the students have done most of the work for the class themselves, so I didn’t even have to spend last night prepping slides and stuff.

This first week teaching has been a blurr of student add/drops, photocopying, textbook issues, and remembering what it is like to even been in the sociology building every day (I used to like to be sort of reclusive). And before that the two weeks of course prep was just insane. I’m glad I decided to get a dissertation chapter done before I began planning the course, because course planning took over my life. I spent a week getting readings together, and then a week on the syllabus. At least I feel prepared enough now to get through the whole summer without worrying about what to do every day.

Lecturing this summer is a great experience for me– and not just for my CV. I’m *trying* to apply the same moderation rules to writing to teaching. This past semester I managed to show myself that I could sit down and write every day, working in moderation instead of binge writing and panicking about unreaslistic deadlines. I actually finished a major article revision and wrote a 60 page chapter that way (and drafted another chapter), so I know it works, and I know it keeps me sane.

Applying that to teaching means that in theory I should be spending 2 hours prepping for every 1 hour in the classroom. Since I know lecturers who spend 4-6 hours prepping for every 1 hour in the classroom, 2 seems pretty radical. But I’m going to learn to do it now, instead of being completely overwhelmed as a new assistant professor (which will be next year, right? right?). Part of the idea of teaching in moderation also means going into the class with a short rough outline of your lecture, instead of writing it down word for word and trying to pack tons of stuff into class. That practice is great for me– I usually would go in with a very detailed teaching plan, and then get overwhelmed trying to cram everything in frantically. So instead I went in with a general outline and just talked, which seemed to actually work. But in general this week was a wash in terms of trying to moderate anything– I was too nervous my first week, and too bogged down with all the administrative stuff and student needs.

But next week I am going to go ahead with my plan– teaching AND writing in moderation every day. I have to. I’m starting to become grumpy from my lack of dissertation work pretty freakin’ soon. The plan is to go into the library in the morning and work for 2-3 hours in the lovely quiet of the historical library. And then I’ll head up the hill to teach, prepping for the next day after class in the afternoon. And then heading home to go running and spend the evening on job market stuff/grading/hanging out etc. Jeez, I’ve turned into quite a schedule person!

So that’s about the extent of the excitement in my life. That and I’m still running– 2-3 miles at a time (with liberal walk breaks). I’m toying with the idea of signing up for a 5K at the end of August, just to give myself something to strive for in terms of improving my running. I didn’t think I’d actually ever want to run in a race, but why not? 5K seems doable, but I’m not sure I’ll ever want to do anything as insane as a full marathon (26.2 miles)!

I’m still here…

Okay, well maybe I’m not really still here, since my posting seems to have become a 1-2 times a month thing. I just can’t guarantee that I’ll write here any more frequently in the next month or so. I’ll try, I swear, but a lot of smaller entries that I used to do (links, recipes etc.) have now wound up on Facebook, where it is quick and easy for me to share little bits of my life with my friends (and peak in on what they’re up to too). This blog isn’t going away though. I’m sure I’ll come to a period where I’ll write more consistently in it again.

So what have I been up to? Writing. Trying to find as much time to write as possible. It’s basically all I want to do. With my day job winding to a close, I’m spending whole days in the library writing as much as I can. I have about 50 pages of 1 data chapter written, a pretty dense draft of another chapter, and a very drafty-draft of a third chapter. I want to send 1 chapter to my committee by the end of this month, and then the second in the next couple weeks. And I have an article I’m working on. So there is lots to keep me busy.

I’m basically grasping onto the fact that I love writing right now– that it’s all I want to do. I don’t know if that’s a fluke thing that might not last long, or if it is the wonderful outcome of having written digently every day for the past bunch of months, but I’m just going with it for now. Time is moving a long quickly again and the job market is right around the corner… the more I get done now the better!

Lots of stuff is also shifting… I’m nearing the end of the day job I’ve had for the past 5 years. It’s bittersweet in a lot of ways. On one hand I can’t wait to be done with it. The administrative side of academia and all it’s politics and petiness is not my favorite thing. On the other hand, I’ve worked with people there for years and I’ll miss the heck out of them. Generally I hate endings, so I’m hoping to just get through this one quickly this coming week.

And then I start teaching my own class in the middle of June. I’m not letting myself prep until I have 1 chapter of the diss sent out to my committee, but my brain is already turning with ideas for activities and assignments. It’s a qualitiative methods class– something that couldn’t be more perfect for me to teach. It lasts for 8 weeks and meets 4 days a week, so I’m going to have to be very disciplined about getting in my daily writing time, while also prepping for class no more than I need to. Oh, and grading.

But it’s not all work here in Watershed world. The harder I work, the more I want to go running (stress relief), hang out with friends, cook, grill, etc. I made a yummy grilled salmon last night, and a batch of devilled eggs. Today after spending some time writing I’m going to bake a fruit upside-down cake, and some pineapple coconut muffins.

closer to fine

Last week I had a last minute chance to go to a concert. The concert was in celebration Progressive Magazine’s 100th anniversary and had Catie Curtis, Melissa Ferrick, Dar Williams, the Indigo Girls and Ani Difranco. I could have gotten a ticket months ago, but I was a little overwhelmed by the line up. I’m either super annoyed at concerts (at people blocking my way, dancing in front of me, singing loudly etc.) or too emotional. We saw Dar Williams 2 years ago and I cried through most of the show. Just so beautiful. And I’ve seen Ani about 6 times, and the Indigo Girls 7 times, and I have crazy stories from all of those shows and those different times in my life.

So at the day before a friend of mine couldn’t go to the show and sold me her ticket. I am so glad. I didn’t realize how much I needed the music and the energy. I did cry most of the show (well, from Dar Williams on as I’m not really into Catie or Melissa). I knew I’d be emotionally overwhelmed but I didn’t expect that it would be out of appreciation.

Usually when I think of the amazing women who have influenced my life significantly, I think of family, mentors, friends. I realized while listening to Dar, Emily, Amy and Ani, that they’ve also had a huge impact on my life. From early high school on, I’ve gained incredible wisdom and support from these strong women. In college their lyrics were revolutionary– they were out, they were feminists, and they wrote lyrics that were like anthems. There are certain songs that Dar, Emily, Amy and Ani have written that I can listen to and instantly feel centered, grounded, reminded how how incredible the world is, and strong enough to move forward. I never really thought about the strength they have provided me through various ups and downs until I was sitting there listening, absorbed in the energy of the show. I mean, thank goodness for these women. Where would I be without them?

Throughout the show, inbetween solo sets, they played together. And there’s nothing I love more than my favorite artists singing together– like Ani and Dar singing a cover of Comfortably Numb– and watching them sing together live was just beyond awesome. It’s nearly a week later and I still feel high from the whole experience.

The final song everyone sang was the Indigo Girls’ Closer to Fine. The audience sang every word. Afterwards I left thinking I didn’t ever need to see any of them again in concert– it just couldn’t ever come close to seeing everyone sing Closer to Fine. Really, no more concerts for me (okay, I’d still love to see Hem and Nina Nastasia– oh and I wouldn’t pass up Imogean Heap or Bjork tickets, either).

Thank goodness someone had the brains to record the final number. Here you go– enjoy. I’m going to watch a bit myself now to put a smile on my face before I go to sleep…

I’m trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you’ve ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
Its only life after all
Yeah

Well darkness has a hunger that’s insatiable
And lightness has a call that’s hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
I’m crawling on your shores

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There’s more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

crunch time

Where in the heck did most of April go? Jeez. A few weeks gone in a flash, and now it’s the end of the semester, and even if I’m not presently teaching or taking classes, I’m feeling that all-too-familiar end of semester crunch feeling. The feeling of too much to do– too many different things to do– while times speeds up toward summer. Sigh.

So, not surprisingly, I’ve been busy writing. And running whenever I can. Actually, I could split my days into 3 different times– (1) writing (2) running and (3) other crap that keeps me from writing/running. Oh, and sleeping. A whole 9 hours a night lately. On the running front, I can run a whole 3 miles now. And running outside in the rain is my new favorite thing ever. I’ve actually started to hope that it rains on days when I’m going to run outside. There’s something about having a reason to get soaking wet and splashing through puddles that is wonderful.

On the writing front… well… I’m plugging away! Not that this is interesting to any of you, but right now my dissertation struggles aren’t so much with “omg I have to finish,” instead I’m focused on laying out the entire dissertation argument (or at least the bare bones of it), trying to figure out what pieces of data go best with what I’m arguing, and, well, getting each chapter fleshed out (another, nicer term for writing). I’m happy working in my carrel, or the reading room of the library, and I seem to do best working with paper and colored pens alongside my laptop. That doesn’t seem like a big achievement, but it took me *years* to become this comfortable with the way it’s best for me to work.

But suddenly its the end of April and I need to spend the next month solidifying 2 chapters for the upcoming Job Market: Redux. And I have an article to edit and send out the door. Oh, and there are job market materials to improve, dissertation committee members to keep in the loop, and a conference presentation to write as well. Yikes!

There are two things I’m very excited about coming up this summer. First, I’m lecturing my first class– Research Methods– and I can’t wait. I don’t remember ever being so excited about teaching. I think it’s a combination of the fact I am so much more confident as a sociologist than I was when I taught my first year of grad school (a mere 6 years ago!), and the fact that right now my day job is driving me nuts. I just have one month left there, and it’s taking a lot of energy to keep it in perspective and not let it aggravate me. I’m going to miss some of the people there tremendously, but it is WAY past time to move on. I’m not even freaking out about not have a job for the fall yet. I’m just happy to be moving on to something (anything) new.

The class I’m teaching meets 4 days a week for 8 weeks, so I’m going to have to be very strict about giving myself a few hours every morning for dissertation writing. Combine that with prepping for class and grading, and I don’t see much in terms of “fun” for the summer. But, just when everything reaches the point of complete insanity (the conference and interviews in August) I get to spend a week in San Francisco with my two best friends! So I feel like I can literally get through anything from now to that point.

In other more exciting and Zombie-related news, a friend of mine brought over her Nintendo GameCube on Sunday night and we drank beer and played some game called Resident Evil for hours. Jumping through windows, and kicking/shooting Zombies was fantastic fun– even when a masked Zombie cut my head off with a chainsaw!

With all my busyness I am increasingly aware of how important it is to play and to spend time with people you can laugh with.

another year passes by…

I had the best birthday yesterday. Usually people get less and less excited about birthdays as they get older. That was true for me through most of my 20s. As the years go by you wind up doing less for your birthday– spending the day working/writing and then going out to dinner or something with friends. It feels like every other day instead of a special day. You tell people not to get you anything etc. Birthdays are somehow for kids and not adults.

Well, I’m not buying that too-adult-to-celebrate crap anymore. Life is short and any chance we get to celebrate the passage of time should be celebrated with as much excitement as we can muster!

So yesterday I turned 32. And to celebrate I had a bunch of great people over for a little party. I didn’t want a lot of fuss, and I didn’t want people to spend a lot of money on gifts and such. And since Jo just had surgery again this past week (she’s doing great, btw) I didn’t want her up and around unnecessarily cooking and entertaining. So I decided to invite a few select people over for 3 of my favorite things… pizza, beer and games. Actually 6 of my favorite things if you include wonderful people, laughter and ice cream cake.

It was a huge success.

Jo and I ordered pizza. Instead of gifts, I asked everyone to surprise me with some kind of beer they thought I’d like. This served to (1) provide beer for guests, (2) introduce me to some seriously yummy beers I wouldn’t have tried on my own and (3) stocked my fridge with enough beer to last for at least 2 weeks. Woohoo!

And we played Apples to Apples for hours. Let’s just say I do much better at that game when I’m not drinking so much. Last night I kept insisting crazy things like that witch hunts were “magical” and Schindler’s List was “spooky.” It all made sense to me at the time, anyway. And since I’m not 20 anymore and apparently can’t tolerate more than a few beers in an evening, I ended up waking up a couple times during the night for water and advil.

I’m feeling thoroughly spoiled gift-wise. Here’s what I got:

Jo bought me two huge coffee table books I’ve wanted forever– The Oxford Project and Weapons of Mass Communication.

She and my parents also each bought me a bracelet from my new favorite etsy store.

My mom and dad got me some lovely new silver earrings.

My sister bought me a thoroughly awesome owl pillow.

My parents bought me some great yellow retro pyrex containers and some particularly lovely jadeite containers and ice cream bowls. They look wonderful in my hoosier cabinet.

I also scored a Kohl’s gift card from my aunt, and the guy at the Trader Joe’s check out line gave me flowers.

And since Jo and I like to extend birthdays as long as we can, we’re going order sushi and rent a movie tomorrow night.

addictions

Addictions get a bad reputation.

Well, sure, some are awful– addictions to alcohol, smoking, drugs etc. And some are harmless– like my total addiction to Burt’s Bees honey lip balm. I even went and bought a bundle of 12 on ebay so I’d never leave the house without one. And I am shamelessly addicted to coffee, and don’t plan to give that up anytime soon.

So for the past year or I’ve been trying to form two healthy addictions– writing and running.

I don’t know how many people and how many books advised me to write every day over the years. I understood, but I didn’t really get it until this year. Since I’ve been writing nearly every day (I firmly believe in taking a day off here and there) I’ve been much more productive, and writing is easier. Well, maybe not easy (its never easy), but easier in the sense that I’m growing accustomed to how I write and what my writing process is, and I’m learning tricks to get myself working, unstuck etc. I figured out that I need a quiet place (my carrel), and my laptop, cliff bars for snacks, and paper and multicolored pens. I need to work on paper sometimes much more than on the screen. I’m a very visual writer (mind maps etc.). Anyway, last week I finished off the draft of an article that has only taken me like 5+ months to write and rewrite. And I’m working on dissertation chapters and feeling less overwhelmed by having to produce writing. I’m crossing my fingers that I keep moving in this direction and don’t get stuck in one of those I-hate-my-dissertation-and-I’d-rather-clean-the-fridge-than-write moods anytime soon. I think steady, persistent work is the trick.

And running… I’m back to running again, thank goodness! I got a second opinion about my supposedly-fractured tibia and discovered it was only badly bruised. I am going to a physical therapist for the sprained ankle. Not surprising, physical therapists are awesome. The guy figured out what was wrong with my ankle, taped it so that it didn’t hurt, and taught me all kinds of ankle-strengthening exercises. Now I’m up to running 12 minutes at a time. And I’m running outside in the nice spring weather (and sometimes in the rain) which I really enjoy.

I can tell I’ve been pretty much addicted to both running and writing because I realize that I get super grumpy and out of sorts when I can’t do one or the other. When I couldn’t run a few weeks ago, it drove me nuts. My body felt all out of wack and I didn’t sleep as well. When I can’t write for a few days, my brain misses the quiet time and the process of ordering of thoughts etc. I end up feeling more jumbled and frantic if I’m not spending time writing. Weird.

my first real antique furniture purchase!

I’ve been looking for a hutch/cabinet for our kitchen for a while now. Since we moved here we’ve had a rickety Ikea shelf sitting sitting in the space between our kitchen and living room– holding cookbooks and my vintage pyrex bowls. We have other vintage dishes I would have loved to display… but, see, we have this adorable, lovable, but horribly misbehaved cat, Hermione. Despite the fact we have a squirt bottle just to keep her from doing bad things, she has no qualms about jumping up on a shelf and pushing something breakable off onto the. Last week it was a lovely pottery bowl one of my best friends made. Yes, Hermione might look sweet and innocent– but don’t be deceived!

With a birthday coming up, and a nice tax refund in the bank, Sunday morning we went to a few furniture stores looking for some kind of hutch or cabinet that we could use for storage and to display all the great dishes we currently have hidden away from Hermione’s reach. The problem is that nither of us like modern/new furniture. Either it is ugly (and there are some ugly hutches out there) or it is cheaply made. We both grew up with solid, good quality antiques, and what I really wanted was an antique hoosier-type cabinet (someday I want a completely vintage kitchen). Of course, antique hoosier cabinets go for like $1200+.

We came home from shopping and I checked craigslist. Just minutes earlier someone  listed an antique hoosier cabinet– for only $475! And it was a particularly gorgeous one– with etched glass doors (usually they’re solid wood). I called the seller and she said she had received a bunch of calls, so she would sell it to the first person who showed up and gave her a check. We drove frantically to a town south of Madison, imagining that every person who passed us was going to get there first and buy the hoosier out from under us.

Fortunately we got there first. The people selling it had other wonderful antique furniture and they obviously new antiques and took wonderful care of everything they had. The cabinet was in perfect condition– an actual Hoosier brand– and we bought it for less than they were asking. And it somehow fit in our volvo (everything fits in a volvo)!

So here she is, our very first piece of antique furniture. She’s in great condition and still has the cool old flour sifter, baking racks in the base, and a tin bread box in the door. I can’t believe how perfect it looks in our apartment filled with my vintage dishes. We just love it. I can’t stop looking at it. And Hermione? Her plans to break our stuff are totally foiled. She’s tried to open the cabinets and can’t! Ha!

Murphy’s Law

I remember my Nana evoking Murphy’s Law a lot. When I was little she had a friend named Murphy (a woman– I don’t know the origin of that name) so I, of course, thought that whenever Nana talked about “Murphy’s Law” it was her wise friend, Murphy, that she was evoking.

Murphy’s Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

It seems negative, but I don’t see it that way. Murphy’s Law is more about being flexible, and understanding that things change suddenly an unexpentantly. It could be the motto of most of my time in graduate school, actually.

So it shouldn’t be surprising that just when I start feeling some level of progress as a runner, I manage to sprain my ankle and fracture my tibia.

See, last month I fell off of the treadmill at the Y. I have no idea how it happened. I had finished my run, and was cooling down by walking at a reasonable pace. Somehow I tripped over myself (I’m clumsy) and I went flying off the back of the treadmill before I could hit the stop button or grab that emergency cord. I ended up extremely embarrassed, with skinned knees and VERY bruised ankles and shins. I hobbled home and waiting until I could walk without pain to run again– about 10 days I think. I know I’m new to any regular exercise that isn’t yoga, but I was pretty sure it was okay to just wait till the bruising calmed down, and until I didn’t have pain, to run again.

Well, on and off for the next few weeks my ankle and shins hurt a bit after runs. Nothing alarming. I would take a few extra days off, and then hop back on the treadmill, waming up first, and stretching carefully after each run. Then I went running like usual last weekend and for whatever reason, I couldn’t make it through 10 minutes of my run. I felt like my right ankle was going to split in two. Of course that was the very same day I ordered myself the Nike+ running kit, and an armband holder for my iPod Touch so that I could start running outside in the spring!

After limping around all weekend, I decided it could be sprained so I tried to get a doctor’s appointment. Not able to get into my real doctor unti the end of the week, I ended up seeing a doctor at the student health clinic. The doctor definitely agreed I had sprained my ankle, but was, to my surprise, much more concerned about the painful lump on my shin that had been there since the Treadmill Incident. After getting x-rays, it turned out that I actually had a stress fracture on my tibia, and that I’d been running on it all along with no idea.

The advice I got at the student health clinic was conflictual and confusing. First they gave me ankle exercises to start doing right away, and then they told me to give my leg complete rest for two weeks. They also wanted me to stop carrying my bag around campus, and to stop walking up/down hills and stairs. And they didn’t want to give me crutches or a brace unless it didn’t feel better by Friday. Since half of our campus is hills and stairs, and since I write and work on campus, getting around this week sucked. And it’s Friday and it isn’t any better. Every once in a while I’ll try to walk normally on it just to see if it is miraculously all better. It isn’t.

And I have no idea what to do other than sit here with my foot up, take advil, and ice it. I’m seeing my real doctor on Monday, and hopefully I’ll get less confusing advice. I want to be able to go to campus like usual so I can get work done. And I want to make sure this heals properly so that I can run outside in the spring!

Once a Maid of Honor, Never a Bride

Since my sister’s engagement I’ve learned way more about weddings than I ever thought there was to even learn. I’ve seen hundreds of wedding cake toppers. I’ve spent evenings searching for my sister’s perfect blue bridal shoes online. I received three (THREE) Maid of Honor books for Christmas. I have to buy my dress soon. It’s already picked out for me, thank goodness, but I am on my own in terms of finding shoes. My only direction is some kind of shoes in gold or silver, and I don’t have to wear heals. I tried to suggest maybe something like these or these, but my sister didn’t go for either. Damn.

Then, today I get this email from my sister. I ought to know that 9 times out of 10 my sister is joking. But, there was some scary-serious-Bridezilla about this. It could be true! So for at least 20 minutes after receiving it I fumed with how silly and ridiculous weddings are. After showing it to others at work, and to my mom, I realized it was most likely a joke. I googled it, and indeed it’s been around the internets as a wedding joke. And now that I’ve talked to said Bridezilla, I know for sure it is. Whew. What a close call!

Here’s the offending contract with my commentary in green.

Watershed’s Bridesmaid Contract

Hello my beautiful bridesmaid! Maryann here! Let me just say again how happy I am that you are going to be a part of my special day – which I’m calling “Maryann-Day”! Below are just a few guidelines for the wedding that I’d like you to review. Please initial by each point, sign at the end and send back to me asap. Just want to make sure there aren’t any surprises! The planning bride is a happy bride!

Thanks a bunch! Love ya! -Maryann

______   My hair will remain at the length it is now or longer.

This just won’t work. My hair sort of stays the same length except for when I am too busy and absent minded to remember to get it cut. Then I complain about the hair on the back oh my neck feeling “like a mullet” until I can go in and get it hacked off.

______   I will not change my hair color without first gaining approval from Maryann by providing a sample photo or hair swatch for consideration.

That one is so non-applicable to me, it isn’t worth addressing. But now that she mentions it, purple hair might go beautifully with my orange Maid of Honor dress.

______   I will use Sally Hansen’s “Maximum Growth-Daily Nail Growth program” every day for the 4 months before the wedding day.

Reading this was when I decided to try to call my sister and tell her to shove it (in nicer words than that, of course). I despise having long nails. It’s like nails on a chalk board for me to have my nails even long enough to sometimes bump a key on my keyboard. Ugh. No way would I grow them out with some crap on them for 4 months!

______   I will not be sarcastic, engage in any eye-rolling, dramatic sighs or other negative energy as it relates to any wedding plans, activities or the wedding itself.

She must have added this just for me. If I can’t be sarcastic, roll my eyes, and sigh dramatically, than what’s left for me to do? And plus, since I live far away, she doesn’t get to see all my wedding-related eye-rolling.

______   I will not gain more than 3.3 lbs from the weight I was when I was asked to be a bridesmaid.

Ha! What if I gain muscle before then from running? Seriously since running I’ve been putting on weight instead of loosing it. And I rarely weigh myself, so how would I know. Is there going to be a pre-ceremony weigh-in?

______   If applicable, I will join a well-known weight loss program and through whatever means necessary will lose the desired amount of weight as previously discussed at the time when asked to be a bridesmaid in Maryann’s wedding.

Again, ha!

______   I swear to attend all showers, (lingerie, kitchen, bridal & bachelorette) to arrive in a timely manner and do everything in my power to support and “be there” for the bride.

What in the hell is a lingerie shower? Am I supposed to be planning one of those? Dear God, no.

______   I will purchase the David’s Bridal dress agreed within 3 weeks of today.

Well, yeah. I know I have to get the dress.  I’ll try not to wait till the last minute.

______   I will NOT knowingly get pregnant without notifying Maryann least 6 months prior to the wedding so a suitable alternate can be found. I will also give (at no cost) my purchased bridesmaid dress to said alternate.

This one bemuses me. My parents and sister bug me all the time about when we’re going to have a baby. So wouldn’t they like it if I showed up a few months pregnant? I’m not saying I’m going to… but if I did (and you never know) would I be replaced as Maid of Honor? Are pregnant women not allowed in weddings?

I do hereby swear that I will adhere to all of the above & other understood bridesmaid duties for the wedding on [date]

X_________________________    _________________________
Signature                Date

too many books, too little time

I feel guilty. So far in the past 4 months I’ve only re-read books I’ve already read, and I’m about to do it again. A couple weeks ago I finished reading the Mary Russell series for the second time. It has to be my all time favorite series of books and I loved it so much more, and got so much more out of of it reading it again. I could definitely see reading them a third time some day but I should probably wait a few years, though. For now I’ll look forward to reading the 8th book that is coming out in April!

I have stacks and stacks of books that I’ve never read before begging to be read– some by my favorite authors, some classics I want to read, some recommended to me and loaned to me etc. They look great but I just don’t have the head to get into anything new.

During this in-between-book-reading-time, I actually read an entire book on my iPod Touch. With a little app called Stanza, I can download all kinds of classic books for free. So I re-read Anne of Green Gables (one of my favorite books as a kid), just to see if reading without holding a book would change the reading experience. And you know, it really didn’t change it much at all. It might be harder on the eyes, but since I stare at a computer screen 12 hours a day anyway, I didn’t notice. Now I love the fact that I now have over 14 classic books sitting on my iPod waiting for me to read them if I’m stuck in an airport etc, but I think it’s also somehow cheating on the actual books I love so much. I adore bookstores and libraries and pages that smell musty.

So what physical book is in my bag to read on the bus tomorrow? The first book in my other favorite series– Harry Potter. I read it for the first time in August 2007 and since it is nearly 2 years later, I am itching to read them again. I bet they’ll be even better the second time, too.

And I really want to read the Golden Compass series again, but since I read them just last year, I should probably wait a little bit, eh? And maybe read at least a few new books before then.

In other non-fiction related news, I’m back in love with my dissertation again (our relationship is complicated, what can I say) so I’ve been spending hours writing in my little carrel in the library. And I think that I maybe have finally gotten it into my thick skull that writing every single day makes a tremendous difference in, well, everything.

Where I’ve been

Jeez, I can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks since my last post. Last week at this time I was in Savannah for the SWS Winter Meeting. I was in Savannah for 5 days and with all the travel prep before that (doing laundry and packing at the last meeting) and then getting caught up on emails, work and stuff after, I’ve been incredibly busy. Today could be the first time I try to catch my breath and have a relaxing day at home, but instead I’m heading into the library to write in my new carrel. Since they’re starting to remodel the main room of the library I usually work in, I thought getting a carrel would be a good idea. Let’s hope I can be as productive in it. It’s tiny but at least it doesn’t look like a cage like the ones at the other library, and I can leave some books and articles there instead of lugging stuff around with me.

The meeting was wonderful– as usual I got back from it feeling recharged, motivated, and empowered by so many wonderful women. And Savannah was so beautiful. I haven’t taken pictures in and around Madison in a while because, well, winter here ends up being so cold, and old piles of dirty snow aren’t very photographically inspiring. Savannah was inspiring. I took 500 photos. Mostly of Spanish moss and trees. Here’s some of my favorites.

running soundtrack

I just added it up, and so far this year (the month of January, that is) I’ve run 28.4 miles! Holy crap! Considering I ran, oh, ZERO miles during January (and Feb, March, April, May, June, and July) last year, that’s something to be proud of!

It doesn’t surprise me that I love running. I always figured I would, it just took me a long time to actually get going with it. My taste in running music, though, surprises me quite a bit.

My music tastes are sort of ecletic– I’ll listen to and appreciate nearly anything except for country (and even then I do like old-school country like Dolly Parton, and I love the Dixie Chicks). I guess you could call what I listen to everyday something like neo-folk. My top three favorite albums for the past year have been (1) Raising Sand by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss, (2) The Blackened Air by Nina Nastasia, and (3) Eveningland by Hem. And I always listen to a fair deal of Dar Williams and lately for some reason I’ve been into Joni Mitchell.

But, that doesn’t work for running, unless I want to run like 2mph. Instead I find myself motivated by a sort of odd collection of songs. Some make sense– I’ve always had a weakness for Madonna, U2 and Moby. But the others? I just hear some random song in a store, on the radio, or in some teen movie and add it to the list.

• All These Things That I’ve Done: The Killers
• Mr. Brightside: The Killers
• Independent Women: Destiny’s Child
• Survivor: Destiny’s Child
• How High: Madonna
• Ray of Light: Madonna
• South Side: Moby
• Lift Me Up: Moby
• Raining Again: Moby
• Vertigo: U2
• Where The Streets Have No Name: U2
• Live Your Dreams: Athena Cage (you know, it’s from Save the Last Dance)
• Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth: Primitive Radio Gods
• Umbrella: Rhianna
• Stronger: Kanye West
• Let’s Get It Started: Black Eyed Peas

I’m always looking to add new stuff so I don’t get bored– any suggestions?

to sleep, perchance to snore

Recently, it seems, I’ve started snoring. Jo noticed this a couple months ago, and when I was in Maine over Christmas, having nightly slumber parties with Maryann and Rob, they also noticed that I snore.

Last night Jo got to see a combination of both my sleeping skills– snoring and talking:

Jo: You’re snoring… um… hey hon, you’re snoring. (poking me)

Me: I’m not snoring. I’m sleeping. (zzzzzzz… zzzzzzz)

At that point Jo had to give up and sleep on the couch for a couple hours.

Okay, so I snore. Whatever. I’m okay with it, although I feel bad for whoever is sharing a room/bed with me (I’ll apologize now to my roommates in Savannah next week). As long as I’m not waking myself up, right?

a little less geekiness then last time…

It’s about time I blogged, and with a little less of the geekitude that was in my last post about writing.

I have a job interview today. No, not for a faculty job, but for a new job on campus. I’ve had the same administrative job for nearly 5 years. It’s paid the bills– tuition and rent, and I love the people I work with. I’ve been lucky and grateful to have it. But, the position is being cut so as of May, I won’t have a job.

The stress of potentially not having funding is something I know all too well and I’m going to try to avoid it at all costs. And even if it is my last year as a grad student, and I trust on some level that I will end up with some kind of job so that I don’t have to drop out steps before the finish line, the semester-to-semester job hunt on campus pretty much sucks. Especially with the economy the way it is. So, I’m applying for a job that will mean I won’t have to worry about finding funding for that last year. And I’ll have time to teach over the summer. The problem is that IF I get it, it will start as soon as possible. So, I’ll have to leave the job I have right now earlier than expected. On one hand I shouldn’t care– I’m looking out for myself– but on the other hand, I’ll feel bad about the chaos I’ll inevitably leave behind. I shouldn’t care, but part of me will. That’s the problem with being conscientious, I guess.

I’m also trying out a new schedule this semester. Instead of going to my day job first thing in the morning, and then going to the library to write in the afternoon, I’m going to the library first to write. I used to think that I would never get myself ready in the morning and take an early bus if I didn’t have to be someplace (i.e. at work by 9am) but actually, I have a much easier time getting myself ready and out the door even earlier if I know that a few hours of quiet writing in the library are ahead of me. Strange. I was so resistant to changing that schedule for so long.

A week from Wednesday I’m heading to Savannah, Georgia for a conference. This will be only my third visit to the South. I went to a conference in Atlanta my first year in grad school, and never saw anything outside of the hotel, and a couple years ago I went to New Orleans. I’m excited to actually see more of the South, and for some weather that isn’t below zero. And I somehow messed up my flight reservation so I am there an entire day earlier than everyone else. I must have done that sub-consicously because now I can’t wait to spend a whole day exploring the area on my own. I love travelling by myself.

You know what I love even more, though? All that Obama’s done so far as President. It’s like a dream. Every day is some new un-doing of neo-conservative crap. The global gag rule: gone. Gitmo: closing. Allowing states to set strict emissions standards: passed. The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act: passed. And progressive non-hate-filled civil rights agenda. The White House even has a blog for following all of this amazing goodness, for crying out loud. I love it.

writing mindfully (instead of with fear and dread)

I’m reading a book on writing. Actually, I’ve already read it twice. It might be one of the singularly best books of advice on academia I’ve ever found. I just can’t say enough about it.

And I’ve read a bunch of books on academia and writing. That’s what I do when I don’t know about something– I read everything I can get my hands on about it. Some of those books have great advice. For instance:

• I read Getting What You Came For at least 3 times before starting grad school (yes, I’m a geek). It’s a must read for a general overview of how to jump through the hoops.
• There’s also the classic Writing Your Dissertation in Fifteen Minutes a Day. This was the first book I read that introduced the idea of chipping away slowly and steadily on what might otherwise seem to be a huge and scary project. And there is lots of real-world advice on making your dissertation a priority, and not letting distractions in.
• Getting Things Done isn’t usually considered a book for academics, but it really is for anyone. GTD is a freakin’ cult online, and with good reason. There is something so revolutionary about the incredibly simple idea of making organized lists and notes to “brain dump” everything so that you don’t have to stress out about remembering it.
• And then came How to Write a Lot. I’ve written about it here before. Reading it was seriously life-changing. For some reason the direct, no-nonsense advice to sit your butt down and write every day was exactly what I needed to hear at that time. I stopped binge writing (mostly) and was able to spend day after day in the library.

Then, someone I work with loaned me a copy of Advice for New Faculty Members and told me it was her dissertation-writing bible. Yeah, I’m not quite faculty *yet* but as I learned from Getting What You Came For, it is best to act the part as soon as you can.

Like everything else I need, it came at the perfect time. Just when I was having to re-imagine my plans for the next year, and at the same time getting overwhelmed with big prospects like writing a dissertation. Hell, just even writing a chapter was enough to freak me out. And since I really do love my research, I don’t want to dread doing it. It turns out I don’t just want to be productive– I want to enjoy the process.

So I halted all work on my diss over the holidays, and read and re-read this book, nodding to myself and underlining all the way (I ended up buying my own copy). The approach in the book is like everything above combined, but slowed down to a state called mindfullness. The book is impossible to summarize, but it basically advises (1) plenty of “active waiting”– pre-writing, outlining, etc. before writing, (2) mindfully writing in “brief daily sessions” (BDSs) with a clear mind, without stress (and thus avoiding binge-writing which tends to be my downfall), (3) stopping writing at a set place and time, even if you’re in the middle of a paragraph, so you can pick up easily again the next day. The principle sort of like running for me. Even if I felt like running an hour when I usually run 30 minutes I should still stop after 30. Otherwise, I’ll be too sore to run the next day and thus loose my momentum of keeping up a regular running schedule. It makes so much sense to me. The amazing thing that this book has and others don’t is empirical evidence and anecdotes that illustrate how little faculty members who binge-write accomplish (and how miserable they are in the long run), and how much faculty who write in BDSs end up writing and publishing (and feeling a sense of accomplishment.

And I started writing based on this approach last week– just trying it out, and keeping the book next to me just in case– and it seems to be working. I’ve had a full week of productive days. It isn’t that they’ve been easy, but writing has been a little more enjoyable and a little less dreadful. Yay!

odd family recipes

Tonight for dinner I made Josephines. My Dad has made them for as long as I can remember. I always thought they were an old family recipe– like most of the other stuff Dad cooks (potato stuffing, spinach balls etc.) comes from his mother. Well, I found out tonight the recipe comes from some friends my parents had back in 1980. They’ve since lost touch with them, but have made Josephines for the last (nearly) 30 years. Well, my Dad makes them. I guess if my Mom were to cook something from her side of the family it would be a boiled dinner, or baked beans and brown bread. Instead, she does an amazing job pouring water at the dinner table, and eating whatever Dad cooks!

So what are these mysteries Josephines? Here’s the recipe. I’m sorry there aren’t actual measurements with it. Think “some” and “enough” instead.

• Cheddar and Jack shredded cheese blend
• Mayo (It has to be Hellman’s. You wouldn’t dare use another kind of mayo.)
• Rye bread (We usually get the Pepperidge Farm Jewish Rye with seeds.)
• A jar of pepperoncini– just a few sliced up will work

You’ll need a baking sheet. Lay out however many pieces of bread fit on it. Spread mayo on each peice. Then, sprinkle each piece generously with cheese. Finally, add a slice (or 2 or 3) of pepperoncini to the top of each. Sprinkle each with a little of the juice from the jar. Broil in the oven for 3-4 minutes until the cheese is melted.

They’re great with soup, salad, or other appetizers!

Now from Jo’s side of the family we have another mysterious recipe: Lokshen. It is certainly related to Lokshen Kugel, but it is an oddly unbaked variation. Jo at it as a kid but has no clue about it’s origins. We eat it a lot– it’s become a serious comfort food for me. Even my sister loves it and makes it all the time. You’re going to think this is gross. Everyone does when they hear about it. Even I did and now I’m a fan.

Here’s the recipe for Lokshen. It is almost too short to bother writing down.

• Cottage cheese (large curd)
• Wide egg noodles
• Butter (Admittedly, we use Smart Balance, but it is great with real butter too.)

Cook the noodles to your desired done-ness. For this recipe I like to over cook the noodles a bit more than I usually would. Drain them, and divide into bowls for individual servings. Depending on the size of the bowl add about a tablespoon of butter to each. Melt the butter thoroughly. Then, mix in about 4-5 tablespoons of cottage cheese. I like extra cottage cheese, but use however much you like.

I eat mine with salt and tons of pepper. Jo eats her’s with salt and ketchup (yuck, IMO!). She’s also eaten it in the more traditional way with cinnamon.

So there you have it, two random recipes for quick meals that you won’t find anywhere else!

out with the old, in with the new

Last night Jo and I rang in the New Year in our traditional way. We splurged on a bunch of different cheeses (an aged gouda, double gloucester with chives, blue cheese, san andres, and an incredibly yummy cheddar pub cheese) and appetizers and snacked all day and evening while watching the Twilight Zone marathon. As is our tradition for the past 7 years, we ignore Midwest time and ring in the New Year with the East Coast by watching the NYC ball fall. From the songs “Imagine” to “New York, New York” the coming of the new year always makes me all teary-eyed. There’s something about marking the passage of time with a celebration, and out-with-the-old-in-with-the-new thing that really gets me. It’s a chance to look back (and forward) and to be grateful for so much– for healthy and happy friends and family. What more could a person want?

We talked about what a year 2008 had been. On the surface it would seem like just another year dissertating for me, but really it was a year spent collecting and analyzing data, getting used to writing (nearly) every day, finding the perfect library to work in, seeing my first article in print, and then getting another article accepted for publication. This year in grad school I’ve also had to learn to be flexible– to be okay with the fact that some things are totally out of my control, and to change my plans as needed. So, who knows what 2009 will bring!

2008 was the first year in my life I started working out regularly– we joined the Y, and now I’m able to run for about 25 minutes straight without feeling like I’m going to die!

And the election– with so much trepidation we waited for November 4 to roll around. I wanted to hope that McCain wouldn’t win, but I didn’t dare. I was so disappointed after 2004 that I mentally set myself up for a McCain win right up until Obama won Ohio. Thank God for Sarah Palin (seriously, it was the best choice McLame made). And thank God for the brilliance of Tina Fey and Jon Stewart providing comic relief. And what a relief 2009 brings! The end of the Bush administration. The end of being horribly embarrassed and ashamed of our president. For 8 long years we’ve suffered– some so much more than others. I’m going to sleep VERY well the night of the 20th. Even if Obama does nothing at all for 4 years, he’ll be so much better than the alternative. And maybe we’ll get to see real change and a real progressive government. After the past 8 years I’m cynical. I’ll believe it when I see it!

In past years I’ve made long lists of New Year’s resolutions. This year I have only two. And since I’m already working towards them, they seem very doable.

(1) To continue to run. Slowly I want to build up to running 6mph for a whole 30 minutes 3-4 times per week. When spring comes, I’d like to work in some outside running on the bike path. I am also going to use my free personal training session at the Y to learn how to lift some weights so that I don’t neglect my arms (and tummy) with all the running.

(2) To write daily (every week day). To work on writing more mindfully– letting go of my perfectionist demons to let myself write creatively and clearly by working slowly and steadily. Along with this, I want to take more time to reflect on my writing process– thinking about when and how I work best, and what gets me stuck (and unstuck). This year will be the year I finish my dissertation, and along with that, a chance to really hone in my writing skills before I’m not a student anymore…!

What are you grateful for? What do you want to see in 2009?

Happy New Year everyone! Here’s to a wonderful 2009!

The way life should be (eventually)

After a long journey I’m finally here in Maine. Even though I love traveling and airports, yesterday tried my traveling patience. First my flight out of Madison left over an hour late–they told us the flight crew got in late and needed sleep. That was alright but that assured that I’d miss my connecting flight to Boston. Just in case, they booked me on a much later flight out of Boston. And after getting into Boston I still had to take the good old Concord Trailways bus to Maine. It was going to be a late night.

I got into Cincinnati and noticed an earlier flight to Boston so I waited in a very long line to try to see if I could get on that flight and possibly make to Maine in time for dinner. They booked me on the flight but I was worried about my luggage ending up on the later one. The surprisingly helpful and cheerful agent assured me that there was plenty of time to get my luggage on the earlier flight. So I settled in for a couple hours of reading.

Now there are two things that make me a miserable traveler– not having moderately decent food in the airport (at least a bagel, for crying out loud) and having my luggage lost. I’ll get to the latter later on. Seriously, given enough reading material and my ipod I’m okay no matter what delays come my way.

I had already eaten both of the Odwalla bars I brought with me. I was left with four places to eat– Sbarro’s, a dubious looking fried chicken place (Chick-a-fil?), a disgusting looking chili place, and a Mcdonald’s. Since all the Sbarro’s pizza I ate at Hofstra has turned me off of it forever, I went with the relatively familiar Mcdonald’s. I ended up with a mostly yucky chicken sandwich (even the fries were a disappointment) and got on the plane feeling generally greasy and irritated. The two screaming babies on the flight didn’t help.

I got into Boston with just 20 minutes to catch the next bus. Baggage claim was a nightmare. I’ve never seen so much luggage in one place at once. There must have been thousands of bags– not enough room to even stand around some of the carousels. All the luggage sitting around alone didn’t bode well for my own. Impatiently I waited. And then the thing I always dread happened. My bag didn’t show. I missed that bus and the next one standing in line at the baggage claim desk. The woman there was one of the most joyless people ever. She informed me there was some error code on the computer about my bag. She didn’t know what it meant so she left me to help someone else. I missed another bus and thought I was going to cry with frustration.

Then someone else came up and told me my luggage was on the later flight and would arrive soon. Again, I found myself waiting with another bus leaving in just 20 minutes. Eventually, my bag showed up (yay!) but it came after the bus left. I spent another hour in Logan airport. At least they had an Au Bon Pain and I was able to eat a decent sandwich. I didn’t make it to Maine for dinner.

Eventually I made it on the bus (only 4 hours after the first one I tried to catch) and eventually even made it to Maine. I read a whole book in the meantime and edited an article for publication. And now I’m hanging out at home, looking forward to a yummy lobster dinner tonight. And looking forward to just hanging out eating and drinking the rest of the week. No work. No computer. Although I’m using my mom’s to finish this post. If I wrote the whole thing on my ipod touch it would take my 8 hours (at least).

am I doomed to be perpetually disappointed in politics?

I don’t write much about politics here. But I am just too deeply upset at Obama’s choice to have Rick Warren do the invocation at his inauguration not to say something. After jumping onto the Obama bandwagon (from my love for Hillary), campaigning like crazy for him, and shedding tears when he won, I’m all sorts of bummed out all over again. It actually makes me not want to watch the inauguration. Seriously.

I’m watching the media hash it out, and although there is much outrage at the Warren pick, there is also quite a bit of justification-work going on. The three main justifications seem to be (1) Obama is being inclusive of all views, (2) it isn’t like Warren is going to change Obama’s policy positions by speaking, and (3) it is “just” an invocation– not like he has a cabinet position.

Here’s what I have to say about each of these:

(1) If Obama is going to be inclusive of all views, then invite some neo-Nazi skin heads to speak. Seriously. I wonder how that would go over? Being open to all views doesn’t mean you give an honor to someone who basically believes all the gay and lesbian people who voted for you are like pedophiles and are destroying straight marriage and society in general. I saw an interview with Warren on the news this morning where he says straight marriage has carried though 5000 years, all cultures and all religions. Huh? That is just factually not true. Does anyone listen to sociologists?

(2) Obama can meet with Rick Warren and hear everything he has to say, but why have him do the invocation? By giving him this honor, Obama’s condoning, to some degree, Warren as an influential public figure– as someone who fought for Prop 8, and regularly compares gay people to incest, and against women’s reproductive rights. If Obama wanted to include someone with a more evangelical bend, there are a lot of moderate religious figures that would be a million times better than Rick Warren for the simple fact that they haven’t led the march against equal rights. Why give a tip of the hat to someone like that? Why not just invite Rush Limbaugh or Pat Robertson to have his say too?

(3) It isn’t “just” anything– it isn’t “just” a prayer, or “just” an invocation. It’s historic and symbolic. For all the reasons I said above, it is symbolically significant that Warren is speaking. This event is supposed to be about change. So instead of change, we get more of the same. More of listening to people who believe that somehow gay people are what is wrong with this country. How does Obama think that is going to sit with all of us who worked so hard to get him elected? He says that he’s  “fought fiercely” for gay and lesbian rights, but we haven’t seen much evidence of that.

Maybe I should learn already that I’ll ultimately end up disappointed. I knew Obama didn’t support gay marriage, and that always upset me, but during the course of the general election it sort of slipped my mind. I hoped so much that this administration would be something different. Don’t get me wrong– it isn’t like I would ever have voted for McCain. I know the differences between the two are nothing to shrug off. And I know Obama is going to be very good for this country in a lot of ways. I just wish he didn’t have to start the whole thing off by giving a huge public honor to someone who speaks out daily against people like little old Jo and I who are just living our lives. I don’t know what that is, but it isn’t inclusion to me. It’s exclusion. All over again.

radically crazy news

I’ve decided not to bring my macbook with me when I go to Maine next week for Christmas.

That means I will be traveling without a computer. For a whole week. For the first time since I first got a laptop (my old clamshell) in 1999. That may not seem newsworthy, but anyone who knows me knows that it’s pretty crazy. I rarely go anywhere without my macbook. Even when I plan to take something of a vacation I’ll bring it just in case I feel like I might want to work.

This time I’m taking a week off, without even the possibility of working even if I wanted to. I picture lugging it through the airport, train etc. and just want to not be weighted down with it. And it isn’t physically that heavy. It’s symbolically heavy. So I have an image of traveling light (albeit with as many mysteries as I think I can read) and that sounds wonderful.

(Okay, I’ll be cheating a little. I’ll have my new iPod Touch with me [my Christmas gift from Jo-- yay!!], and that has my email, and a few documents I might need, Google Reader etc. and fills my need for constant information. But it is much lighter overall and it isn’t like I’m going to try to crank out a dissertation chapter on it.)

my second handmade Christmas

Last year I stumbled onto etsy.com. My life and credit card bill haven’t been the same since.

See, generally I hate shopping. Hate. Shopping. I especially hate shopping around the holidays for trendy gifts that people usually don’t want or need, and are usually way over my measly little budget.

Then I discovered etsy. Last year 90% of my holiday gifts came from there, and since then birthday gifts have also come straight from brilliant etsy craftsters. The gifts are unique (often one of a kind), and they’re shipped directly from the sellers– often lovingly wraped and packaged. And the artisans make money– etsy only charges $0.30 per sale. It feels good to not only give unique gifts, but to support individuals. I’m an addict.

In the past year etsy has become almost overwhelming– with products in hundreds of categories. You can buy Star Trek mittens, handmade shoes, handmade dog toys, earrings made out of typewriter keys, and custom furniture and art pieces that cost in the thousands. And then they went and added Alchemy, so that you can have people who are more crafty than you make the perfect gifts (clothes, party favors, wedding invitations etc.) just for you.

If you need more reasons to shop handmade, here’s 101 of them.

And since etsy is packed with amazing shops, here are some of my personal favorites:

• My favorite hand-dyed yarn. The colors are gorgeous and the yarn is super soft!
• Beautiful (albeit out of my price range) jewerly.
• Art pottery and tiles. Someday I’d love a backsplash made from these leaf tiles.
• Journals made from upcycled books. If I had tons of money, I’d have to buy too many of these.
• Custom silver jewerly– she made a necklace for my sister’s birthday.
• One of my very favorite jewerly shops.
• Jo likes stuffed monsters. This is one of our favorite shops. You know, for future kids, of course…
• This shop sells gorgeous stained glass. My mom got a butterfly from there for her birthday this year.
• One of the best gifts for Christmas last year were these hilarious earrings for my mom.

So skip the mall and just do all your shopping from your warm, cozy, house in your PJs– that’s what I’m doing!

on a treadmill

I have very vivid dreams, but usually they’re pretty boring and predictable. Not last night’s, though. I didn’t remember it until half way through this morning and I called Jo to tell her about it right away. She thought it was pretty nuts. I have no clue what it could mean.

In my dream I had moved to (or just traveled to?) a new city. It was a *real* city (not like Madison) sort of like New York. I was trying to find a gym to work out in. The gyms all let people come in and try the place out for a day, before committing to an actual contract.

The first gym I went was old and had horrible equipment. I just wanted a treadmill, but the treadmills didn’t have sides to them (no handrails) so I didn’t want to use them. The showers were also right in the room with the exercise equipment, and there were young-ish annoying muscle guys lifting weights, showing off and grunting (this actually happens in the Y where I work out and I think it is totally humerous).

The second gym I went to overlooked a park and was so crowded I couldn’t get on a machine at all. I left thoroughly annoyed at how busy the place was.

Here’s where it get’s really weird. The third gym I went to had a few different exercise rooms. One was a family exercise room, and another was a more serious “hard core” exercise room. I wanted to go to the 2nd room, but I couldn’t find it. So I went to the very large, crowded family exercise room. There were different treadmills and other types of equipment in clusters all over the place. Some of the treadmills came down from the wall like those folding beds. I was trying to find a treadmill that was free, and kept finding those stair climber things instead. I also kept running into young girls on treadmills. They were like 4 or 5 years old, and working out furiously while their mothers watched. I told one of the mothers that she was terrible for making her daughter work out, and that she should be ashamed of herself. She told me she was just worried about her daughter becoming fat. I ended up giving up on finding a treadmill for myself and just going around to try to convince mothers that they shouldn’t make their young daughters workout.

So there you go. Try to figure out what that means– because I sure can’t!

And in other synchronistic news…

Something in all of my years of schooling have come full circle. I noticed today that the special issue of a journal I am getting published in also includes an article from my very first sociology professor. The very same one who told me 12 years ago I should major in sociology. I think that is pretty cool!

when the going gets tough…

the tough gets cooking.

Everything around me and ahead of meis sort of up in the air right now. And I’m in one of those non-love periods of my love/hate relationship with my dissertation. I’m sure I’ll fall back in love with it again soon– provided I (a) give it some quality, focused attention, and (b)  re-read some of the initial literature that made me love the topic in the first place– to rekindle the romance, so to speak. Ugh. All I know is that I’m in one of *those* places that only another dissertator could understand.

So I’ve been focusing a lot on cooking– nourishment. Jo and I have been flipping through cook books, and trying new recipes and planning meals for the week. Nothing fancy, just simple and yummy. We’ve made some pretty incredible food in the past couple months.

Here are some of my new favorite recipes. I can’t recommend them enough! They were instant classics for our little family.

• White Chili: I’m not usually a fan of chili, but I love this stuff. I keep asking Jo to make more of it. It’s very good with sour cream and cheese on the top. We make a big batch and it lasts a few days.
• Ziti with Spinach, Cherry Tomatoes, and Gorgonzola: This was an instant classic. It’s as good as a restaurant. I’ve made it a few times since, sometimes with different veggies (asparagus and sun dried tomatoes works great). I also double the recipe to make it last longer.
• Butternut and Acorn Squash Soup with Goat Cheese: I added some goat cheese to this b/c I had it left over, and it was very yummy. I also added nutmeg and fresh ginger. Highly recommended!
• German Apple Cake: I’ve also made a couple apple pies this year, but this apple cake was amazing. I added extra apples and it only lasted a couple days!

I can be incredibly flexible when I’m done being stubborn.

Everyone who knows me knows I am stubborn. Really stubborn. But what makes the title of this post so true is that when I’m finished being stubborn, I am very flexible and really am okay with changing plans and going with the flow. Really.

Here’s an example of some things I’ve been stubborn about, right up to the point where I gave in. I could include much of my time in grad school here, but I won’t. And I could include much of my writing and revising process too, but I won’t. My advisor is all too familiar with how stubborn I am in these areas.

• Eating cheddar cheese with apples. I have always thought this was incredibly disgusting. For years, even at home with my parents, I would be offered cheese along with a slice of apple and turn it down. It had to be yucky. Then, just last month my Wisconsin-native co-worker was eating cheddar and an apple one day at work, and talked me into trying some. I was blown away. SO YUMMY! Now it is one of my favorite snacks. And it turns out apple, cheddar, and french bread make a really good lunch at work. But, I still think melting cheddar on apple pie is an awful, horrible, disgusting idea.
• Eating meat. I’ve blogged about this before. For 10 years I was convinced that meat was yucky and not to be eaten. Then, I gave in and ate a ton of bacon and now I’m one of those annoying “oh-yeah-I-was-a-vegetarian-and-now-I’m-not-so-pass-the-bacon” people.
• Wearing earrings and necklaces etc. I’ve also covered this here. For years I thought the slightest bit of jewelry was too high maintenance. Then, some gave me a pair of earrings and I loved them, so I bought more. And necklaces. It turns out it isn’t that high maintenance to throw jewelry on in the morning.
• Sleeping with socks on. Even as a child sleeping in big, old, cold houses in Maine I never slept with socks on. I thought it would bother me for some reason. Instead I would spend the night trying to warm my cold feet against the opposite leg. Silly, yes, but it seemed to make more sense than sleeping with socks on. Now, at age 31 I’ve discovered that not only is wearing socks to bed a great way to stay warm (and I am always cold at night), it doesn’t bother me at all!
• Reading fiction. To think I spent 7 years working at bookstores where I had ready access to tons of fiction, and read only non-fiction. I was under some ridiculously incorrect impression that most fiction (except for the classics I read tons of as a kid) was silly. I have no idea what I was thinking, but I only read serious, feminist theory and sociology. Ugh. I mean I love that stuff, but not all the time! Thankfully I made a pact with myself that after taking a prelim exam that I would read a mystery novel (The Alienist– a freakin’ awesome book, btw) and I was suddenly hooked all over again. But, knowing that I would be tempted to read all the time like I did as a child, I only allow myself to read on the bus. That keeps what would get horribly out of control in check.

Anyway, like I said. I can be very flexible after I’m through being stubborn. Right now, I’m working on the incredibly flexible part.

Yes we did!

I’m just now waking up from my post-election-stress migraine (gin-induced, possibly?) . I got up this morning to watching the sunrise, and then went back to bed.

I’m ecstatic. I feel such relief. Such joy. It’s still sinking in.

I have a couple great election day stories to share with you– but I can barely type now. So here are some of my favorite political cartoons from this morning. The first one is totally for my dad.

Today, for the first time in a bunch of years, I am SO proud to be an American!

the very first official watershed election prediction

Yup, folks. Since I’ve been such an election polling junkie the past couple weeks, I figured that I should just do something productive with all the time I’ve spent studying polling trends and Obama’s win/lose scenarios. The outcome of all this work is my own prediction of how things will go tomorrow.

Yes, you saw right. I even think that McLame might lose his home state of Arizona. Maybe that is wishful thinking, but I’m pretty sure about every other state. In short, I hope for a landslide. I hope that he and Cindy have a lot more time in the future to spend with their grand kids.

We’re in full election fever here at the G-C household. Jo is even watching the Steelers game tonight b/c supposedly if they win, then the democrat will win (yeah, so it didn’t work in 2004. Shhhh). I think that the images of the DU and 538.com are burned into my retinas. I’m not sure what we’ll do after tomorrow, actually. Without the steady stream of political news, commentary and satire, how on earth will we spend our evenings?

Saturday I canvassed here in town with my BBBS little sister. Although were assigned a neighborhood that mostly meant we were preaching to the choir (which is most of Madison, actually), but we did distribute a lot of info to new voters, and told people about where they should go to vote. I only ran into one elderly woman who yelled at us that Obama was going to take away her Social Security and that she was too sick and had no money. There was no arguing with her, and the whole thing made me rather sad. The lies and fearmongering on the republican side of this campaign have been sick. I hope we see a very new direction starting tomorrow. I think people really want it, and I’m optimistic.

So go and vote folks! It will make you feel big and strong!!

… and sometimes I just go looking for a way to stress about the job market…

Let me first say this: I’ve turned in 98% of my applications. I’m not super worried– maybe it’s denial– but I’m not loosing sleep. I’m just digging in and focusing as much as I can on my dissertation. Writing has become a blessing/distraction/refuge. All I want to do is write. Even when it is hard. Even when I’m not sure what my entire dissertation is about. I just hear all those mentor/advice voices in my head telling me to “write, write, write.” And that seems to be paying off. It turns out that it is true that writing every day makes writing easier. And I was able to finish a new drafty-draft of a dissertation chapter this week. I’ll take progress any way I can get it!

And let me also say this: I have (with one minor slip-up about a month ago) been incredibly good about staying away from the job market rumor mill website. I’m surprised I’ve managed to stay away from it, as my curiosity often gets the better of me. When I was a teenager I liked watching the Rush Limbaugh show and the 700 Club because they fascinated me– I couldn’t resist the curiosity. But now I’m protecting myself from the rumor mill website, b/c I see that I can gain nothing from it. Departments are too uniquely strange in their hiring practices to sum it up in a serious of codes by anonymous posters. I have a lot to gain from burying myself in the library and writing, and nothing to gain from rumors.

But, yesterday I had a pretty major freak out. It happened like this. It is part of my job at work to read academic news. I was reading a particular article that mentioned a school I had applied to was having a hiring freeze. Now, while I was nearly 100% sure that that would effect next year, and not this year’s lines, I decided to see if the job posting was still listed on their website. So I went to their website, and noticed a link to their events calendar. I thought “hmmmm I wonder if they are scheduling job talks…” and my curiosity got the better of me and I clicked on it. Sure enough. My heart sank. Three candidate talks scheduled for this past month. Yikes. I proceeded to freak out. Then my boss suggested that there might be more than one position opened at that department, and indeed she was right. And then she insisted I google the people giving the talks, and indeed they all already have tenure and the talks are for their open senior position. And suddenly I could breathe again. Crisis averted. But, jeez, do you see why I avoid the rumor mill?

In other news… along with my burst of writing, I’ve been working really hard at (a) running on the treadmill and (b) taking a day every weekend and spending it outside. The running is going well– I love it– but my ankles are killing me. I discovered I over-supinate (the opposite of pronate) and so I need specific shoes so I don’t hurt myself. I’m heading to the running store tomorrow for a fitting, and then back on the treadmill at the Y. The running is hard, and leaves my face BEET RED but also makes me feel soooo good.

And the outings every weekend are also wonderful. Last weekend I went to Devil’s Lake with friends, and we hiked and talked for most of the day. This weekend I’m planning on a dog walk in a local park/marsh area. I don’t think I’ll bring my camera then (the dog isn’t patient when I take pictures) but I do have a few to share from last weekend:

And you know, with my strong New England bias, I don’t give Wisconsin nearly enough credit. It is very pretty here in some places. Devil’s Lake is certainly one of them.